Today was a better day. For the first time, I fell asleep last night without crying. I must say speaking to Idris and watching Jenifa’s Diary made all the difference. We spoke extensively on various things. I think it’s weird that he hasn’t watched Game of Thrones though…lol. I told him he had to and he said he would try. After I got off the phone, I watched a few episodes of Jenifa’s Diary. Lawd!!!! I laff die! She’s in the UK now and you need to see the new trouble she’s gone to put herself in. So apparently, the lady planned on pimping Jenifa and Adaku to nasty old men. Smh…nasty business. I fell asleep in the middle of episode 4. I woke up at 5:26 am and got ready for work.
Today my playlist started out a bit sad, and I choked back some tears and decided I wasn’t going to let it make me cry. You know I love country music, so I switched to that. Guess what? I still cried…smh. Not completely out of sadness though, it was the memory of the first time I connected my phone to your car because I didn’t feel like listening to your playlist. I started playing country and we argued over why I would like such music. You were like “this one dierr you have disappointed me AH!” lmaooooo…. you absolutely hated it!! But after a while I got you to warm up to some of my songs. Repetition is key lol. Tshirt by Thomas Rhett was playing this morning, it’s the song you liked most on my country playlist. I felt a mixture of emotions this morning. Sorrow because I would never see you irritated at some of my “weird” music choices, and some joy that I had made a difference in that aspect of your life and gotten you to open up a bit with the “white girl thing” (I hated that line and you knew that yet you still said it lol).
Andy and Eli have been a big help as well. By the way, Eli went with me to say goodbye to you. I forgot to tell you that earlier. She’s very sad you aren’t here too. Away from that though, Andy kept me occupied throughout most of my commute. He saved me so to speak from the idleness that comes with the trip which usually results in me thinking about you and then crying the whole way. Our conversation has been interesting today. He keeps checking on me. Like every night and morning since you left. I really appreciate that. Funny how certain people whom I’ve been there for countless times are the ones ignoring me in this time of need. I’m finding a new crop of friends who are making it easier for me bit by bit. It’s like you said “You think you have lots of friends?? Get into trouble. It’s that simple”. I’m grateful for the revelation though.
…. I still tear up when I see your picture, or a date prior to you leaving me, or when I remember standing over you in that sheet (that image will be in my head forever, much like the times we hung out and the things we said) I’ve been able to choke back tears in public today and I’m grateful for the improvement. Andy and Sheika told me not to hold in the tears. To let it all out so I can heal, so, I decided I would do just that when the need arises. Michael said happiness is a choice and I think I agree with him. So, I made an effort to join in a conversation that was on one of our radio shows. Something about money and marriage. It was an interesting conversation and I enjoyed it while it lasted. And then another topic came up. You are going to absolutely hate this!!! Can you believe Don Moen is headlining our national concert for the Ghana @60 celebration? I know we would have had a great discussion on this if you were here. They have a foreigner headlining our INDEPENDENCE celebration!!! I can’t believe it! It’s like nobody understands the power of imagery in this country. I know if you were here you would totally get it tho. You’ve been deep like that since I’ve known you. Smh… we literally have no proper leaders. You would have been a great one though… that much I know.
I left work early today. I got a few new movies and Billions season 2; episode 1…I’m going to binge on them this weekend and just relax on my own. Zeed, the impact you had on me in such a short period will stay with me forever, and I know I will never really get over losing you so soon. One thing I do know is that this journey of mine will never end without making you proud. I love you. It’s day 5 and I miss you Zeed.