Today was no easier in the morning. I woke up to a wet pillow from the tears I cried last night. I managed to get out of bed, take a shower and step out. I was very late though…lol you used to laugh at that because you knew how much I hated being late, but today I just couldn’t be bothered. It felt like nothing could make my day worse than the thought of knowing you aren’t here.
I wanted to cry on my way to work, I actually did for a while. Then I decided to go through my Facebook posts. I started deleting all my posts prior to the day you left me. I don’t know why, I guess I felt erasing my thoughts from before then would help me. I struggled through…the days between the accident and your death were the most difficult…it made me sad deleting some of our conversations and posts I had tagged you in so I kept a few and decided not to extend the exercise to other social media platforms that we had interacted on. I have all our conversations in my drop box. I plan to read them when I miss you, which will be every day at this rate lol.
I got to work, and immediately had to jump into producer mode for the executive lounge. We set off around 11:20am and I must say that for the 5 hours we were filming, I forgot my pain, I briefly forgot that you not being here is a reality I would have to face when I was done. Today we got Juliet Asantewah and Kenneth Thompson on the show. It was bliss. Two very intelligent people, you would have loved speaking to them especially Juliet. She shared a lot of your views on education and innovation. When we were done, I remembered and then the pain started, the tears started, the void came back. I went to the bathroom and tried to compose myself. As I walked back out I saw a power group that made me happy and sad at the same time. 5 C.E.O.’s of major Telco’s and banks, all women and one minister (also a woman) seated in the lounge. I was honoured when one of them recognized me from an interview I conducted with her. Then I remembered you telling me that you know I will be great. If I remember correctly, your exact words were “as for you, I have no doubt. You will be successful, you are too strong not to be” and I said “abi we will be successful together” you laughed and I said “ ah why are you laughing? You think I will be successful and leave my friends? We will all be at the top together ooo” lol……I will be successful for both of us. I promise.
So it’s 8:00pm and I’m still at work. Thinking of going home late so I’ll be too tired to do anything else but sleep, however I know you hated me going home late. You said “It’s dangerous dear, you have to think of your safety before you think of work” so on second thought I’ll leave in a few minutes. It’s day 3 since you left me and it is no easier than day 1. I miss you. I wish you were here.