Dear Yazeed ,
today I stood over your lifeless body, half way hoping you would jump up and say “it’s a prank sweetie! stop crying”. Up until that moment, It hadn’t really sunk in you know. I had been told, I’d stood there as they put you in the ambulance at the morgue to take you home. But it still hadn’t sunk in. Not until I saw you in that sheet. Not until I saw your face. It was only until I stood over you and tried to say my final goodbye, that’s when I realized that you were truly gone. And it hurt so bad. It still hurts.
People are saying the pain will go away in time but I don’t know if that’s possible. How do I stop hurting over losing you? How do I stop hurting that such a delightful person is gone from life? December 24th, 2016, we almost died together but we survived that, and I thought to myself this is it.this is our near death experience. We will be here together for a long time to come. Only to find out that you left me here. I know for a fact you can’t read this, but these are just things I wish I could say to you if I had the chance to tell you. Like who is gonna stay up and wait for me to get home at 11 before going to sleep? Who is gonna answer my calls at 2am when I can’t sleep just to listen to me talk about absolutely nothing. Who is gonna go get food sit in front of my house and just chat saaaaa about any and everything just because? Who is going to annoyingly pull my hair and say “herh your hair smells nice papa! Why? You dey soak am in perfume anaa?” So who am I gonna call when I’m down, or tired, or sad, or just feeling silly? I didn’t lose a friend, I really just lost a brother and I’m hurt.
I’m mad at myself too because I haven’t called you since you last called me. And I wasn’t there in your last moments. I wasn’t there when you needed me the most. And I’m mad at myself for that. I’ll never forgive myself for that. I’m really sorry about that. And guess what, I still have your power bank and your keys. Imagine that. You never came to pick them up. I’m hurt Bro. I’m hoping what they said about the pain is true tho. I’m hoping that it gets easier. Right now it doesn’t seem like it ever will but I hope it does.
I love you bro, I always will. And I’m sorry that you checked out so soon. We had too many plans oooo. Smh but I’ll make sure I get them done for you. I will. I promise that. I love you my brother and friend.